


Learning To Fall

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-25
Updated: 2008-04-25
Packaged: 2019-01-19 10:31:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: She pressed it too her head and whispered ‘Avada Kedavra’With a flash of green light, her wand clattered to the floor and the sound echoed around the walls as her hand went limp, and her body fell lifeless into the cooling water.





	Learning To Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

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_Today is the day_  
_The worst day of my life_   


She shut the bathroom door quietly behind her, making sure she should not wake anyone who was sleeping. She crept over to the bath and turned the taps up to full, hot and cold water came splashing out in jets making bubbles form at the filling bottom as she added glossy purple bath soak. The lavender scented steam rose in wispy spirals towards the ceiling, fogging the mirrors and clouding the air. She stuck her head over the enormous bathtub, breathing in the scent deeply and sighing, feeling herself try to relax after a very long and difficult day.

_You're so content it hurts me._

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_I don't know why_   


Straightening up, she glanced over her shoulder towards the door. ‘Alohomora’ she whispered her voice light, and the lock clicked into place. She bent down, pulling her dainty gold shoes soundlessly off her feet and putting them neatly next to the bath, which was almost full to the brim. She turned both the taps to off.

Carefully, she pushed her thumbs inside the waistband of her purple tights and pealed them from her pale and slightly freckled legs, where she kicked them aside with much less care than with her shoes. She shrugged off her cardigan, folding it and putting next to her shoes; it was soon followed by her t-shirt that she had pulled up and over her head, her hair spilling through the air as it was released above her head. Next was her skirt, she pushed it down with care, and it slid down her shaven legs. The material pooling at her feet like water. She stepped out of it, now only in her underwear. She quickly shed these items, unclipping her bra and throwing it to the floor, her knickers joined her skirt.

_The cost of misery._

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_Is at an all time high_   


Her bare feet padded across the tiled floor, stepping softly to the edge of the bath, brimming with heavily fragranced bubbles. She lowered herself in, and the hot water made her skin prickle as it came further and further up her slender, naked body.

Once fully in, her body felt weightless, the steam tickling her pores and heat soothing her tensed muscles. She pushed her hair back, the long blonde waves becoming suddenly smooth and feathery beneath the surface as it fanned out around her head like a satin pillow. Everywhere around her ached from effort and want, the burden of desperately wanting, even needing, something she couldn’t have was taking its toll, as was the effort it took to conceal it. She shut her tired silver eyes, and a solitary tear leaked out of the corner. On the outside she was dreamy and quiet, but they thought she was strong. At times like these she wasn’t strong at all, when it came to him, her heart ached for him just to hold her in a way no one else had ever done. 

She knew now, that no matter how desperately in love she was with him, it just wouldn’t ever be that way.

She couldn’t have him.

_I keep it hidden._

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_Close to the surface in sight_   


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He was already taken. And why on earth wouldn’t he be?

He was the saviour; hero of the Wizarding world, and the boy who lived. He was the Quidditch star, the trouble maker. He was smart, brave, funny, loyal, gorgeous with his messy black hair that just always spelled trouble, those beautiful emerald eyes, Quidditch-toned body, and that smile that made her weak at the knee’s; he had all the girls fawning over him. But Harry James Potter already had a girlfriend, the most popular girl in her year, Ginny Weasley, with her flowing red hair, chocolate eyes and perfect love heart face.

And then there was her, Luna Lovegood, the oddity, the freak, the loony, and probably the most unpopular girl in the school. She was used to nasty and snide comments from her fellow students, but seeing Harry happy with someone that wasn’t her, broke Luna’s heart in two. So here she was, lying broken and crying in her bath, wishing there was some way to tell Harry how she felt. 

_I'm learning to fall._

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_I can't hardly breathe_   


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Luna felt herself choking on her own tears that had quickly escalated into gut wrenching sobs that came straight from her bleeding and battered heart. All she could see was Harry laughing with Ginny, as he grabbed her around that tiny waist and kissing her on the nose; like a tape stuck on repeat, playing over and over again, tormenting her cruelly with its vicious images. 

She couldn’t take it.

_When I'm going down don't worry about me._

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_Don't try this at home_   


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Luna pushed her head under the surface of the crystallite water; breathing in huge lung-full’s through her nose deliberately, it made her cough and splutter as she came back up for air, gasping. _Stupid idea_ , she mentally cursed herself, _won’t help anything_. She settled back against the bath wall, pushing her sopping hair back flat against her head and rubbing her eyes, smudging her black mascara everywhere as it ran down her cheeks leaving grey tear tracks on her ashen skin.

_You said you don't see._

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_I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me_   


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She splashed her face with water, rubbing at her cheeks to remove the make-up stains and tear tracks _._ Any other things Luna had been feeling were evaporating as quickly as the stream on the mirrors; all she could feel was despair. What frustrated her was the fact that Ginny didn’t love Harry like she did. It should be her that walked with Harry, hand-in-hand, into Hogsmeade every weekend. 

She fumbled for the soap at the bottom of the bath, grabbing it and rubbing it in her petite hands.

_I’m far better for Harry_ , she thought as she rubbed her soap-covered hands quickly over her face and neck. _Ginny only wants him because he’s famous._

_Could you be with her?_

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_Or was it just a lie?_   


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_He’s only with her because it’s what is expected of him,_ Luna thought desperately, _he can’t really love her._ She grabbed a sweet smelling shampoo from the bath edge and squeezed a large amount into her waiting hand. It was slick and cool to the touch, and a pearly pink to the eyes. Luna lathered it into her waist length hair, piling it up onto her head.

_She doesn't catch you like I do_

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_And you don't know why_   


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Luna rinsed her hair, leaning back into the cloudy water and pushing her face back under the surface, holding her breath as she shook the shampoo out and rubbing he soap off her face. The worst part of it was, Harry knew her better than anyone, after the adventure in the department of mysteries, and they had become closer and were now practically best friends; so Harry knew about Luna’s feelings. He had tried talking to her, but Luna couldn’t face it. She had run away, her hair flowing out behind her as she turned her back on Harry and disappeared into the forest.

_Why did I run?_ Luna asked herself. 

_You change your clothes and your hair_

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_But I can't change your mind_

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_Oh, I'm uninvited_   


_So unrequited now_

They weren’t talking anymore, and this broke Luna more than anything else. 

Any time they managed to make eye contact, Harry would look away with a dirty look in Luna’s direction, and he would go back to Ginny. She didn’t matter to him anymore; it was as if every dream, look, laugh or adventure they had ever shared was gone, they never happened; and although she put on a brave face in front of the school, this was always the end result. Luna sitting here in the dead of night, waiting for the day she could get over him.

It never came.

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_Words screaming in my head_

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_Why did you leave?_

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_And I can't stop dreaming_

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_Watching you and her_

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_When it should have been_

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_It should have been me_   


She couldn’t. Every time she tired to leave she fell without her wings, she was broken and lonely, with no one to turn to. Ginny wasn’t talking to her, but Luna couldn’t bring herself to anyway, she was the reason she couldn’t be with Harry. And Ron and Hermione normally only stayed with Luna because Harry had said so. 

She hated Harry because he had torn, ripped, split, shredded, slashed, slit, broken, and gashed her heart into thousands of little insignificant pieces, thrown them on the floor, spat and stamped all over them. At least, that’s how it felt to Luna.

But she loved him because when she was around him she felt whole, happy, free, respected, attractive, confident, trusted in, and loved.

But Luna realised with a jolt, Harry didn’t.

Choking on her thoughts, Luna reached for her wand from her skirt pocket.

It was time to end this nightmare once and for all.

One thing she had realised was that, sometimes, you only start to want things when you can’t have them anymore.

Harry would want her when she was gone, but she wouldn’t be gone, she had heard them with her own ears through the veil.

She pressed it too her head and whispered ‘Avada Kedavra’

With a flash of green light, her wand clattered to the floor and the sound echoed around the walls as her hand went limp, and her body fell lifeless into the cooling water.

_Today is the day_

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_The worst day of my life_   


 

 

_Author's Note: Just to say, I'm not sure what this site's rules are about suicide and sensitive topics, but I'll say it anyway._

_In no way, shape, or form, was this story written to glorify sucide._

_Suicide is not the answer!_

_For the song, it is called 'Learning to Fall' by Boys like Girls, a person favourite of mine, check it out!_


End file.
